


though i try to resist i still want it all

by astrolesbian



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: (i think), Angst, M/M, The Skype Call, Update 3.5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:53:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrolesbian/pseuds/astrolesbian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Bitty Skype and talk about the kegster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	though i try to resist i still want it all

Bitty’s stomach is churning just a little when he hits the tiny green button to accept the Skype call. The little circles bounce on the screen as it connects, and Bitty’s heart bounces along with it.

Despite himself, he still feels soft and warm and  _ good _ inside when he sees Jack appear in the camera, and he smiles, though he’s sure it’s a tired smile. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Bits,” Jack says, “I’m sorry, about,” and he trails off, like he’s not sure what he’s meant to apologize for, exactly. Bitty’s stomach turns over and over. “About the kegster, and what I said.”

Jack is looking at his hands, and the set of his shoulders is so defeated that Bitty almost wants to cry. He steels himself, instead. 

“You have to stay in the closet,” Bitty says, gently. “I understand that, Jack. I do.”

“I know, but --” Jack sighs, and looks up at the camera; straight at Bitty. “I know I have to stay in, at least for now, but you don’t. I’m making you go back  _ in _ .”

Bitty bites his lip, because he can’t explain that away -- he can’t say  _ of course you’re not _ and mean it, in good conscience. Sure, Jack isn’t making him lie about being gay, but he is making him lie about being in a relationship.

Bitty would be lying if he said that he had never been upset about it, having to hide. Sometimes he’s even angry about it. And Bitty doesn’t like himself much for it, that’s for damn sure, because it’s not fair; Bitty’s not even out to his parents, and this would be like coming out to the whole world. It’s not fair. He knows it. But he still gets angry sometimes with the situation, even with Jack. 

He loves Jack -- he  _ does _ \-- but feelings are rarely that simple.

“And I lied, Bits. It’s not like lying to a stranger. It’s  _ Shitty. _ We both care about him, and he can’t even know -- it’s not fair.”

“I don’t want to lie to you and say I don’t mind it, the lying, and the being quiet about being boyfriends,” Bitty says. “But it’s -- I understand why we have to do it.”

“You don’t have to, though,” Jack points out, and he sounds sad. “You could be with someone else, who could live near you and hold your hand in public and -- you deserve that, Bitty. I can’t give it to you. You deserve someone who won’t lie about you.”

“I’m  _ not _ \--” and Bitty stops, tries to think, hard, about what he wants to say. “I didn’t like that you lied, but it’s not that I’m -- angry with you, honey, or I want to stop dating you. I just -- I just wish I was naive enough to believe we could say we were together and it wouldn’t matter to anyone, because I’m so  _ proud _ of you, and I’m so proud to be loving you, and I’m so proud to be anything at all to you. I wish I could share that with people, how much I love you.” Bitty looks away for a second; swallows the tears in his throat. Looks back at Jack, meets his eyes, and holds on. “I understand why we have to keep it to ourselves. I know how important it is for you and your career and -- and I would never try to mess with that, or screw that up for you, because you love hockey, so much, and I couldn’t bear it if I ruined that. But it’s -- it’s hard, having to love you in secret, or from a distance, when I just wish I could run and scream it from the rooftops, that’s all.”

Jack is quiet, but his eyes are brimming over. He looks away, then back. “Eric,” he says, and Bitty smiles tremblingly.

“Honey, I wouldn’t leave you for the world, especially not now,” he says, and Jack lets a breath out, like he’d honestly been worried about it. “I wish I could love you in public, but we can’t yet. That’s okay. Someday we’ll be able to.”

“I love you,” Jack says, and Bitty feels the worry in his stomach start to quiet. “And you’re too good for me.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Bitty says, attempting lightness. “I think I’m actually sort of selfish, keeping the gorgeous Jack Zimmerman all to myself.”

Jack smiles, and it’s the first real smile Bitty’s seen over the call. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is short, but i wanted to post it before it gets jossed tomorrow.


End file.
